Kabayan Exchange

I had dinner with two friends who were in the testing phase of what could be. They came from different parts of the world but were both exposed to the complexities of culture. They were broadminded and were careful not to rush into something they might regret in the future. Along the course of our meal we came to a point of how to find out if you were meant to be. I pondered and blurted out two significant and vital parts of the “knowing” process. I said you have to primarily connect on two levels of communication, the verbal and the non-verbal. And, as Mr. Covey states, “Begin with the end in mind”.

We cannot deny the fact that women would openly say that trust, loyalty and commitment outweighs economic or social stability. They would say that as long as sincere and pure love is present that would be enough. Unfortunately, although this is the noble and heartfelt precursor, it dies an early death and at the end proves to be inadequate to fulfill a lasting need.

Men on the other hand hunt and search for the very best and go for the kill not realizing the fact that women have a basic underlying need to be satisfied. Their area of stability, identity and security. Women each have levels of attractiveness but at the end, they all cost a steep price. It costs much to fall in love and keep it. More than monetary value, their object of affection demands different levels of value. There is no such thing as free love or loving without a cost. The question actually boils down to whether men could afford it and where their level of faith bring them to believe. At the end to keep men eternally stimulated, we subconsciously ask…”was it worth it after all?”

Both sides of the sexual spectrum have subconscious or unconscious messages that eventually surface in the course of time. Women will not be stimulated in a relationship where she does not feel that her significant other has the ability to be better than herself in one or more pertinent area or areas of communication or connection. Thus we hear stuff like…”He can’t handle me”…or “He does not have what it takes to take care of me”…or” maybe he would eventually change, he has the potential to be great”. Women by any status still look forward to a man whom they could look up to. Whichever spectrum they choose to engage in. Men on the other hand have the capacity to be attracted to as many women but long for the day they would find someone they could connect with and subdue their satisfaction mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Someone who need not to speak but have the ability to connect on a level much deeper than the eyes could see. Someone they believe would be worth their commitment, sacrifice and love.

We communicate on two levels and most of the time the verbal is given more importance than the non-verbal. But, if the person of interest is unable to connect on the verbal, intellectual and emotional level than we need not go to the deeper level of the spiritual. There will be no soul tie, you have not found your soul mate. The great book has not been devoid when it stated that “we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers”. Whatever our level or object of faith is, it is vital in finding out if something is worth following through or not.

The next factor vital to finding out if you connect on a deeper long term level is, “beginning with the end in mind”. Find out what the other sees or has in store for their future, if your vision does not connect, then eventually someone has to either be subservient to the vision of the other or complement it. In most cases, it is far better to refrain from even pursuing anything deeper than friendship, it would be more painful at the end when forced, but more satisfying when you let the course of time and circumstance forge a deeper friendship. You may have found a soulmate that you need not to commit, and have found a treasure so rare that you could respect and connect without the complexities of unwritten or unspoken rules or demands.

In the end, we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and ask these two questions…Do we connect on the verbal and non-verbal level? Do we have the same, mission, vision and purpose in life? Knowing our purpose and understanding our mission and vision in life fuels our drive to live, When that is lost or is not known, what future do we have to offer? What future do we look forward to? What is our reason for living?

Eventually, we should come to know ourself, continually develop who we were made to be, continually reinvent ourselves and without a shadow of doubt when the time comes for a decision to be made, we would be sure and know who, when and where. The picture is blurry most of the time because we have no idea of where we are going and have let our emotions take its course. Connect with your Creator, He knows your purpose, He knows who, when , where and what is best for us. When you connect and comply with your purpose , abuse and misuse can eternally be avoided…