Kabayan Exchange

Many people end up regretting the person they are with because they have allowed emotions to take precedence over what is logical. Stimulation from media and social influence has greatly affected the way we choose a significant other. Many times, our fantasies or ideals surpass or cloud the obvious and plain truth staring right at us. Our constant association and interaction with who we are with become something we often perceive as the one in our dreams.

We have left the ancient and traditional art of meeting the parents and seeing our potential candidate in their own environment that we fail to see what many times become clouded by the “best foot forward” image seen at every date. To our detriment, we choose to ignore the red flags of character and values and end up hurt, frustrated, depressed, and alone in the midst of expanding levels of commitment. We constantly think that things will change even when recurring events appear too often to ignore.

One of the greatest mistakes that we could ever do is “move in” and “try things out”. We end up limiting our possibilities and fully exposing ourselves to a level of vulnerability that would eventually change our character and personality. It limits us from potentially meeting and connecting with the “better” person. It alters our levels of qualifications for being with the “better” person and affects our levels of “attractiveness”. Sometimes, the person we are “trying things out with” become the basis of whether we would ever be considered by the “better” person or not. Whatever level the person we are “trying things out” with becomes the gauge of our preferences and character. And many times, it is not the true expression of who we are. We end up in a commitment of non-commitment and expect security, identity and stability where it cannot be expected. Trying things out provide means of losing our level of exclusivity. Our level of exclusivity many times determine the rate of our value.

The best way to find a mate is in developing ourselves. Constantly molding ourselves into the person we were destined to be. When you think it is possible to cross cultural, social and religious barriers, step back, think twice and understand that these are values that are mostly non-negotiables and provide much friction in the future. When you find someone you are attracted to, befriend them. Find out what and whom they are before you allow any emotions to take over what is true and logical. Allowing the opposite affects our level of objectivity. Have a friend you can trust meet the person and give you an honest to goodness assessment of what they think before you jump in. And if ever you never did, now is the time to pray and ask God if this person is right for you. Before plunging into anything serious, you might want to ask the opinion of your Maker to avoid messing up you life’s warranty. Remember, we only have one life to live, we don’t want to waste it on something we would regret. And lastly, keep on developing yourself. A relationship is not about finally reaching a goal but is an embarkment of a beautiful journey. It is not two people looking at each other but two people looking at the same direction. Our levels of development will greatly affect the level of people we attract and the levels of intimacy we will have in the future. So if you want to attract the best, be the best and choose only the best.